To know me as hardly golden is to know me all wrong- they were.
Krissel and I are trying to start up the youth again. Last time, we just slipped away from God and the youth. And I don’t want that to happen to us again, I love the youth too much to have us all drift apart and lose our sight of God. Wish us luck? We don’t even know how to start it up again, it’s going to be hard, but I know the Lord will help us. I thought that our youth has been dead and gone, but were still here; goes to show that nothing is ever lost.
I’m glad Krissel is here to help because I don’t know what I would do without her. Were strong, we can do it with God by our side.
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Let her into your heart. Then you can start to make it better.
So it’s the day after camp. Even though I only visited, I still loved it. It was great seeing everyone again, and even new faces. Though my auntie is pissed at me for missing three days of school, I say it was worth it. My relationship with God is more important than learning about neurons— in my opinion. I came out of camp as a whole person. My heart doesn’t have this heavy burden that it’s been carrying around anymore, it let it go.
I don’t think I’ll ever share my testimony though. I’m too ashamed of my past, that sometimes, I can’t even bear to bring it up.
Anyway, I’m slowly coming back to God. I don’t have a need to smoke, I haven’t uttered a cuss word in awhile, and I kind of feel like reading my bible right now.
I’m really rushing this, because I’m at school posting this right now because for some reason, the internet at my house doesn’t work. “/ And now, off to class for two hoursssss!
my heart is pounding 'yes yes yes', my mind just second guess. my love is so articulate, but I'm such a mess.
lol, do you like my tumblr photo? I was so gone..
Anyway, Chris does the funniest things when he’s blasted— he burned the back of his hand on my stog and he drove off with the lighter still on the hood of his car, haha. And Milo was hallucinating, seeing penguins and the whale from Flapjack…
but I think the only reason all of this was actually funny is because we were really high at the time. =P
..I have that ‘I AM NOT A WHORE’ song stuck in my head, so catchy.
I've got the gift of one-liners and you've got the curse of curves.
Ugh. I hate how transportation is such an issue.. instead of giving us cars, God should’ve gave us the power to teleport. Life would be so much easier that way.. because now I wonder how I’m gonna get to camp this year.. what’s the point in having my own car if I’m not allowed to take it to my selected destinations? IRKED. I’m still trying to find a way.. not giving up just yet. Not one bit.
Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills.
So I bought this pretty sweet Marilyn Monroe poster and I even framed it. And I want to hang it above my bed, but there’s already my Save Darfur and my Reefer Madness behind there…….
maybe it’s time for a change in my room. if I change my room, it’ll kind of be like a fresh new start, you know- instead of holding onto what’s old and tired. out with the old and in with the new, as they always say. and half of the time, they’re right.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly.
Apparently, the bank has a say in what I do with my money, not me anymore.
Tried to buy a Macbook Pro yesterday, but the bank wouldn’t authorize it because it exceeds the limit? I know that there’s waaay more than enough in that account. But I guess the bank has this weird security policy thing…
So we have to go to the bank to authorize the purchase, and then were going back to the Apple store.
Or maybe I should just pay in cash? haha. Showing up to Apple with 1500 in my hand sounds pretty dope to me..
“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?”—AIW.
Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy working overtime.
I want to sign off from the world as I do on aim. I think I might delete my myspace, facebook, and all other sources of social communication online, including this tumblr account. I want to abandon my cell phone and all my other worldly possessions and be free, independent. I just want to go out into the wilderness and explore, just like ‘Into The Wild’. I feel trapped by everyone and everything. Honestly, I would give up my cushy life here and roam the world.
It’s kind of like deleting the past(or trying to) and starting over.
I wonder if this is what was going on in my cousin’s head before he decided to do the same thing. I admire him and his complete individuality. He’s out there traveling to Morocco, London, Berlin, Cambodia… and I’m here, in my hometown. ignorantly socializing with friends and family, thinking of nothing else but what’s in front of my face.
there are no raindrops on roses & girls in white dresses, it's sleeping with roaches & taking best guesses.
honestly, I think my headline speaks for itself..
But anyway, I really want my youth to go to camp. I’m HIV positive that they’ll have a good time(if you didn’t know, that was a joke, I’m CLEANNNN!). Camp is such a great spiritual experience, no lieee. And I feel so bad each year that they don’t go because they really are just missing out. « is that considered a fragment? I know that the only thing that’s keeping them from going is the cost.. “/ If only we’d have fundraised. “Kristallie, the not-so-great youth leader.”
what happened to me? I mean really, I just slipped out from under the radar. I can’t be a youth leader. leading the youth? how can you do that when you’ve got your own battles to deal with? it’s like, you go to church and tell these kids to follow God, and give them insight and such, but you yourself aren’t listening to that same advice you’re giving these teens. that’s called being two-faced, and I hate that.
Help me out God, I know I haven’t been the greatest Christian this year, but pleaseee somehow throw a miracle in this situation and have these kids go to camp! At the same time though, I really don’t want God to help me. Because I’ve been so disobedient that I really don’t deserve to get what I want. if my youth doesn’t go to camp, Lord, I’ll understand. All I ever do is let you down, and this is what caused me to push myself away from You. I feel like I’m hurting You by doing the things that I do, and I’m so unworthy of all the blessings you’ve given me. I said I’d come back to You when I was ready and less scared, but I know that’s the wrong answer..
Lord, help me become the person you want me to be.
Well, it’s good that I got all of these tears out of the way before camp! ahah. but now I’m going to have to reapply my makeup.. “/
don't feed me violins, just run with me through rows of speeding cars.
Remember my uncle’s wife? The one who spread a rumor about me having a sex tape? Well, somehow, I got stuck with her in the car today. I didn’t mind all that much until she started talking to me and acting like nothing ever happened. UGH. whyyyyyy do some people have to be sooooo fake for?!
And all the roads we have to walk are winding. And all the lights that lead us there are blinding.
Since I’ve quit smoking, I’ve taken up working out as my new replacement. So I’m on the 500 calories a day diet, and then burn 350 of those bitchesss by doing cardio. 3500 cal. = 1 lb.
Anyway, ever since college, I’ve been learning a lot of new information, especially about drugs. So I’ve decided to quit doing drugs all together. I’m most likely going to keep drinking though, I need to enjoy a mojito from time to time.. but no more pills, no more yayo, and no more trees. And because of this new turnover, I’ve been skipping a lot of parties. This is causing me to feel like such a geek— going to school, studying, typing up essays, and doing ‘clean’ things. But it also feels good not having to suffer a hangover from the night before..
I guess this is the start of the new me. I mean, I’m even laying off boys right now. I’m actually very happy staying single right now. I haven’t felt this in two years, and it feels great. And you know I’ve been having that on and off thing with him. And last night, I made it clear that I’m done and that I’m not going to start with him again.
BUT. What’s his face is trying to talk to me. He is pretty cute, and I’m feeling bad for not giving him a chance, but should I risk this happiness for heartbreak? mph.
I’m feeling good though. Great, actually. Is this what being clean and sober feels like? Because if it is, I’m sticking with it.
Ransom notes keep falling out of your mouth. Mid-sweet talks, newspaper word cut outs.
This is it. Last pack, last stog. I’ve quit smoking, and it’s bittersweet. I mean, I know I’m saving myself from obtaining lung cancer, emphysema, and such, but now what am I gonna do to pass up time and keep me relaxed during stressful moments? lol… sex. But seriously, I don’t know how long I can do this because going to school and seeing SO many other college students smoking, it’ll be just too hard to avoid. Smoking is my outlet. Or was. We’ll see. Wish me the best of luck.